Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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