She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
