he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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