two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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