Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
