have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He kissed a someone with a penis
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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