Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
