We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The struggles of a small town man whore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
