Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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