I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
and she was petting her beer can
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
