im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
