I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
