Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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