were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
