Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
