Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
