Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
