why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
