Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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