He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is Oprah even human
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