He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
