I'm going to jail i love you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
