i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
