As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
