keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
