He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
