How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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