That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
