I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
