do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
