You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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