If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
NoShamevember. You game?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dick has a subreddit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
