the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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