i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you would pick up someone in the library
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
