Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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