it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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