Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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