I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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