I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
