from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sarcasm needs its own font
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
