Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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