It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
