He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
