Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
