At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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