fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
