I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
