Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
