can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hippo gnu deer
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
