i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
