if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
