dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
