I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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