Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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