Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
